Late Night time Snark: Assist Is Right here Version
“President Biden simply received a pleasant shot within the arm. You understand how he mentioned he hoped to get 100-million Individuals vaccinated by the top of his first hundred days in workplace? He beat that deadline by six weeks. Isn’t it wonderful what you are able to do while you don’t put Jared in cost?”
“Based on a brand new report, since President Biden took workplace CNN has misplaced 45 % of its prime time viewers to its largest competitor: a superb evening’s sleep.”
“It is time for the NCAA’s Males’s and Girls’s faculty basketball tournaments. Sadly—and longtime viewers of this present could also be stunned—the boys and the ladies in these tournaments are being handled fairly otherwise. This yr, the match gave girls athletes cheaper, much less delicate coronavirus assessments than males. Principally, whereas the boys received the gold customary of virus testing, the NCAA requested girls to cough right into a handkerchief and whisper, ‘It is nothing.'”
“Pfizer has begun testing an oral anti-viral drug for Covid. Man, if they may simply put the drugs in a hen sandwich America will flatten the curve by Friday.”
“The Suez Canal is blocked after an enormous container ship received caught, blocking almost the complete width of the canal. I get it: after a yr of quarantine, nothing suits anymore. They need to have put that ship into their stretchy canal—, the one that appears like denim however offers?”
“Cruise ships are coming again. Have we realized nothing as a society???”
And now, our characteristic presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 26, 2021
Word: We lastly have the outcomes from the CPAC-RNC “Rely the Jellybeans In The Mason Jar” contest. After three weeks of study, we have concluded that the right reply is: three. There have been 697 entries however no winners. Thanks for taking part in. See ya subsequent yr! —Ronna McDaniel
By the Numbers:
Days ’til Easter: 9
Individuals polled by Gallup who’re glad with the path through which the nation is headed, versus 11% throughout Trump’s final month in workplace: 32%
Quantity that banks supplied in financing to grease, gasoline, and coal firms final yr, greater than they did in 2016 when the Paris local weather settlement got here into being: $3.8 trillion
Variety of the 100 present members of the U.S. Senate who have been born when there have been fewer than 50 states: 64
Rank of Columbus OH, St. Petersburg FL, and Aurora CO among the many 200 largest U.S. cities with the very best water high quality, in keeping with a brand new survey by LawnStarter: #1, #2, #3
The final yr that bicycle gross sales have been as excessive as they’re now: 1973
Variety of Star Trek episodes William Shatner, who turned 90 this week, says he is watched:
Pet Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
CHEERS to breaking the fever. This is some good, good, excellent news on the financial entrance after greater than a yr of unhealthy, unhealthy, unhealthy information on jobs, jobs, jobs:
Preliminary weekly jobless claims fell to 684,000 final week, the bottom weekly complete because the pandemic started, in keeping with information launched Thursday by the Division of Labor.
It is the primary time since final March that claims for first-time unemployment have fallen beneath the 700,000 mark, and roundly beats economist expectations for 735,000 for the week ending March 20, 2021. […]
“Issues have improved during the last yr, however there are nonetheless tens of millions of individuals coping with actual financial ache,” mentioned Ann Elizabeth Konkel, economist at Certainly Hiring Lab. “Elevated vaccinations are hopefully the start of the top. As soon as the general public well being scenario is improved, a full restoration can lastly happen.”
The optimistic financial motion is a part of a radical and audacious new American financial plan known as—[Checks notes]—Let’s Put Democrats In Cost of the Financial system.
JEERS to assembly expectations. The Media, Inc. demanded that President Biden maintain a press convention as a result of it has been 9 days longer than every other president held one so what’s he hiding?!! So Joe held a press convention and he was wonderful. Simply wonderful. The White Home press corps, alternatively, was its common atrocious White Home press corps self. Zero questions concerning the pandemic. Or weapons. Or jobs. A pointless query about Joe’s 2024 plans. Pathetic. However then there’s this:
Biggest president since Lincoln. (Even with the hat.)
CHEERS to embracing the darkish aspect. Don’t neglect to show off your lights (sure, together with your lava lamp) tomorrow evening at 8:30 native time and be a part of the world in going darkish for the World Wildlife Federation’s annual Earth Hour:
Began by WWF and companions as a symbolic lights-out occasion in Sydney in 2007, Earth Hour is now one of many world’s largest grassroots actions for the atmosphere. Held yearly on the final Saturday of March, Earth Hour engages tens of millions of individuals in additional than 180 international locations and territories, switching off their lights to point out assist for our planet.
Along with your assist, Earth Hour 2021 could possibly be a highlight second that places nature on the middle of worldwide conversations. Collectively, we will communicate up and present world leaders and different decision-makers across the globe that nature issues and pressing motion have to be taken to reverse nature loss.
Give it a attempt. You may save just a little juice, save just a little scratch, and be a part of the remainder of the planet in a superb trigger (at a socially accountable distance). As a particular bonus, staring right into a black void for a bit provides you with a uncommon glimpse into what it seems to be like inside a Republican’s head when somebody asks them to give you a good suggestion to struggle local weather change.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to Matzoh Fever. Passover (aka “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat”) begins tomorrow at sunset. The vacation commemorates Moses’s exodus from Egypt three thousand years in the past, together with his Oscar-winning parting of the Pink Sea. I am not Jewish (my roulette wheel stopped on Episcopalian), however I nonetheless prefer to commemorate it with an abbreviated seder throughout which I am going straight to the 4 glasses of wine. Which is why in our home the vacation is named Passout.
CHEERS to makin’ up and makin’ good. Forty-two years in the past right this moment, on March 26, 1979, Israel’s Menachem Start and Egypt’s Anwar Sadat signed a historic peace settlement that’s nonetheless holding up right this moment:
The Egypt-Israel peace treaty was a direct results of the Camp David Peace Accords, signed in September 1978. President Sadat and Prime Minister Start have been collectively awarded the Nobel Peace Prize later that yr.
Beneath the accords, Israel agreed to withdraw troops from the Sinai Peninsula in return for Egypt’s recognition of the state of Israel. Palestinians have been additionally granted the precise to some self-determination.
Stated Sadat of the mediator, Democratic President Jimmy Carter, who remains to be with us at 96: “[He is] the person who carried out the miracle. With out exaggeration, what he did constitutes one of many biggest achievements of our time.” Yeah, we’re kinda keen on him ourselves.
CHEERS to residence vegetation. If couch-potatoing is in your agenda this weekend, right here are some things which will pop up in your TV. The Friday information dumps—far much less dumpy, due to our new zen president—get unpacked by Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. On Firing Line (8:30, PBS), Yo-Yo Ma performs and talks concerning the influence of the pandemic on the humanities.
The most well-liked residence movies, new and outdated, are all reviewed right here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is right here, the NBA schedule is right here, and you will find the NCAA girls’s and males’s put-the-ball-through-the-basketball-ring match information right here and right here. The NAACP Picture Awards are tomorrow evening at 8 on BET and CBS. SNL is again from hiatus with host Maya Rudolph. On 60 Minutes: the origins of Covid, our new robotic overlords, and a profile of sportswriter Dave Kindred. Marge takes half in a jewel heist on The Simpsons, and Lois angles to win the Greatest Buyer prize at her favourite espresso store on Household Man.
Now here is your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: A particular version on mass shootings with Sens. Chris Murphy (D-CT) and Pat Toomey (R-PA), and Rep. Judy Chu (D-CA).
This Week: White Home communications director Kate Bedingfield; Sen. Dan Sullivan (R-AK).
Face the Nation: Rep. Henry Cuellar (D-TX); Doc Fauci; Re.-elect Julia Letlow (R-LA); Marriott CEO Anthony Capuano.
CNN’s State of the Union: Secretary of State Antony Blinken; Senator Raphael Warnock (D-GA) ; Rep. Nikema Williams (D-GA); Dr. Sanjay Gupta,
Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: TBA
Ten years in the past in C&J: March 26, 2011
JEERS to erasing the previous. Maine Governor Paul LePage has ordered the removing of a mural that celebrates the historical past of the labor motion from…look ahead to it…the foyer of…look ahead to it…the Labor Division! And he needs the entire convention rooms there—now named after well-known labor leaders like Frances Perkins—to be given new “non-partisan” names. The rationale (based mostly on, in keeping with the story linked to above, one e-mail from, actually, “A Secret Admirer”): enterprise leaders is perhaps offended in the event that they’re reminded of the hundreds of staff they’ve stomped on within the identify of revenue. And in different information, this morning we’re altering the signal that greets you on the state border from “Maine: The Manner Life Ought to Be” to “Maine: Assist! Our Governor’s A Human Manifestation of Cujo.”
And only one extra…
CHEERS to the very best science officer within the galaxy. This man:
Pleased ninetieth birthday, Leonard Nimoy, wherever you might be. (And, as of this yr, Happy Leonard Nimoy Day in Boston.) We may actually use a few of your logic down right here proper about now.
Have an ideal weekend. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about right this moment?